Friday, 3 July 2015
Secured by S.J, Sawyer, Release Day Blitz
Secured: free from risk of loss, safe; not likely to fail or give way, stable; to guard from danger.
This pull in my chest, the tug of my beating heart, is stronger than it's ever been. No one could ever compare to Avery. Everything about her makes me only want to experience more, the good and the bad. I'll take whatever I can get because, as I've known from the very beginning, my heart belongs to her.
Why can't she see it?
My beautiful angel, so filled with doubt and worry. I can feel her fears, but for once in my life, I feel helpless. There's nothing that I can do that convinces her, nothing that speaks to her. Why can't she see that she's more than anything I ever dreamed of, that she's perfect for me? This is enough.
Doesn't she see?
I've only ever wanted her.
My heart races in my chest, pounding out a rhythm all its own. There's adrenaline pumping all through my veins. It's surging into my system and making me a nervous wreck.
I've waited forever to see my SEAL again. The wait is over, but I'm filled with doubts. Insecurities are hounding me left and right, plaguing me at every turn.
What if I'm not what he remembers, not good enough?
Our time spent in each other's presence was less than a month. One month isn't nearly enough time to get to know a person, is it? My head says no, but my heart screams that I know Kreed Jones better than I know myself. He's spent eighteen long months convincing me of his love, growing my love for him with every letter, every phone call, but is it really enough?
What do we do now that he's back?
I can't be a Navy wife. I'm not strong enough, but how can I ask this selfless man to give up a dream, for me? He's so hard to read. I just want to know where we are heading, what he's thinking, am I still enough.
Am I still enough?
Tethered: the utmost length to which one can go; a range of allowable behavior; at the end of one's tether, i.e. at the end of one's patience or strength.
It's been two miserable months since I last set my eyes on her gorgeous face, seven months since I've heard her voice. Hearing it now, coming from those sweet lips, God, it makes me regret everything, as if I didn't already.
As if I don't torture myself for the mistakes I made. Damn it, if I could only take them back! There's nothing in this world that I wouldn't give to take them back, to undo the hurt I've caused Drew.
As if I could ever forgive myself for the pain.
As if I haven't spent every single second of my miserable fucking life missing those gorgeous, blue eyes looking at me like I'm a damned god, something to be valued and loved.
I think that's what I miss the most.
My bright eyes.
That face! God, Trevor Rossi haunts my dreams, my every waking second. I see him in strangers in a crowd, in the park, in the supermarket. It's been so long, a lifetime it seems, but not nearly long enough to forget. I'm not sure an eternity will make me forget the way he made me feel, cherished...adored. There's nothing in this world that I want more than him. Even now, my entire being is always drawn to that man like a compass to true north, but...
He hurt me.
He didn't fight for me. Through all the tears and anguish, the singular thing that destroys my soul is that he never even tried. Was giving up on us really so simple for him? After everything we had accomplished, how far we came, was it just a matter of walking away?
He ripped my already broken heart into a thousand shreds, stomping them against the hardwood of the club.
Despite all the wrenching pain, I want him.
My broken love.
Sealed: to conclude, establish, or settle definitively, excluding the possibility of reversal or loss; to decide irrevocably.
I'm leaving the naive, little girl version of myself behind in Pilot's Point, and good riddance to her. Here, I can be whoever I want, a whole new Avery far removed from the drama of that former self. This one isn't going to be afraid to take risks and go out on a limb or two. I'm done living in a self-proscribed bubble, always scared of the consequences of a poor decision.
There's so many new experiences in Baltimore, new people, new places. I'm entranced by everything here from the snow to the men. There is no shortage of hot guys in Baltimore. They say everything is bigger and better in Texas, but I must beg to disagree.
From the moment Kreed Jones touched his soft lips to my hand, his mouth is the only thing my brain wants to concentrate on. Those sweet lips that refused to kiss mine, refused to take advantage, God, I want them. I want them so badly, but...
Trevor Rossi is sexy as sin, and boy, does he ever know! He's gorgeous; that's a given. The playboy lifestyle he exudes calls to me, drawing me near the flame. I know I'll get burned, but would the end be worth one night in his arms? I am uncertain, still firmly on the fence, and after running into my professor, I'm even more confused.
Dr. James Saunders...James, as he insists...is handsome in his tailored suit, and the beautiful soul that shines behind those glasses of his, well, it's a temptation, for certain. He's off limits, and I think that's the appeal. It's wrong, oh so very, very, wrong. I just can't seem to convince my mind of it.
These three men keep looking at me like I'm a prize, not the game, and for the first time in my life, I'm free of me. I'm not standing in my way, not anymore.
S.J. Sawyer is a twenty-something Okie girl who is mom to three, four if you count her husband! She is a full time author/photographer who enjoys making teasers to avoid working. She graduated from SOSU with a Bachelor’s degree in English Lit and a minor in Sociology. SJ is an avid reader, obviously, life long writer, and enjoys Happily Ever Afters above all else (though, the struggle to get there is good, too!)
Feel free to stalk S.J. (she likes that!) anywhere, including: